I'm glad you're home and that you're feeling better. Hope we can get together soon to scoop all the poop ---I mean it!!

Anyway, we had to do a paper for Biology about human sexology and Miss Butch said we had to include a life-size drawing of a boy and a girl's you-know-whats. Well, the girl part was no trouble because when I got home I took my Clairol makeup mirror-- the one with the lights you can set for daytime, office, evening or disco -- and sat down on the bed and spread my legs and put the mirror in front of me. I had a real tough time to see anything because there was a lot of hair in the way so I pulled it back with a couple of barrettes and that helped a real lot. I kinda opened my you-know-what up a little bit because Miss Butch had said the drawings should be "in depth" so I wanted to do a good job and get a real good mark.

I set the mirror for "office" as that was the brightest light and I was doing real good. I dropped my pencil and the eraser kinda hit the button over my you-know-what and I got kinda warm inside and feeling kinda nice -- like when you come into a warm house after being outside in the winter, ya know? Anyway, I did it again and I felt even warmer and kinda wet, like real funny, ya know?

I hit the mirror switch by accident and suddenly it was on disco and the lights started flashing all red and blue and green and yellow and the mirror starting turning and sending streamers of colored lights all over the room. I felt real good all over. I was kinda afraid, though, cause my mother said I should never touch myself there and only my husband can after I'm married. My mother said if she hadn't let my father touch her there when she was my age and they were going together, I wouldn't have an older sister now.

Well, I got the drawing of a girl's you-know-what okay but I didn't know what to do about the boy's you-know-what. I couldn't ask any of the girls in class because I didn't want them to know that I had never seen a boy's you-know-what. I couldn't ask you because you were in the hospital. SOME FRIEND!!! I MEAN IT!!!!!! So I called up Jesus Munecca (the one at the sink next to mine in Home Yecch). I didn't mind asking him because when I talk with him I feel like I'm talking with you or my sister. Anyway, he said nothing doing. But he said he had some pictures he could bring to school the next day. I said that I had to have the drawings for the next morning and that wouldn't help any. He said he'd bring them over but if my mother ever saw him with his punk clothes and pink and purple hair, she'd kill me!! I mean it!!!!

And then I remembered that my older sister had told me she bought a copy of Playgirl one time but she wouldn't let me look at it. She said I was too young. Couldn't you just barf?!?!?!? So I went in her room and nothing's been touched since she was sent to the state school so I looked around and found it between the box spring and the bed frame. It was like two years old and dusty. I had to peel some of the pages apart. I guess she must have been eating something sticky when she was reading it. So anyway, I found a whole lot of pictures of you-know-whats. Do you know they come in different sizes? I knew they came in different colors, but this really blew my mind. I thought I had a lot hair between my legs but you should see how much there was on some of these guys. They even had it on their stomachs and their chests. Boy some of them even had legs that were hairier than Mary Huevos'.

So I traced over the biggest picture of a boys you-know-what I could find and I brought them to Miss Butch this morning. She said my work was real good but that the girl's picture was too perfect. She said that she didn't believe it could be a "life drawing" and that I must have cheated. I had worked so hard on the picture that I was crying and everything. So she held me and patted my shoulder and said that it was all right. She wouldn't give me an "F" if I would come over to her house this weekend and make the drawing all over again with her watching so that she could see that I really did it myself "from life". So, I can't meet you Saturday afternoon, but I'll call you at night and let you know what kinda marks I get.

Oh, Yeah, if I can sneak it out of the house, I'll bring you the Playgirl. Wait'll you see those pictures. It's a real good magazine. There's lots of articles about being an independent woman and don't you think that's so imprtant in these troubled times? That's what Miss LaPomme used to say in Civics class all the time - before the accident, of course -- now, she can't say nothing.

See ya, girlfriend.

Your best friend, I mean it!!!

P.S. you know that dumb Mary Valenciaga? When Miss Butch said to draw from memory, dumb Mary thought she said from mammary so this is how she passed in her picture of a boy's you-know-what. Boy, is she dumb. Oh well, see ya soon.